Using a Time In to Help Calm Temper Tantrums

by | May 21, 2020

How to calm temper tantrums using a Time In

Everything seemed fine. You’re going about your morning as usual. Breakfast went smoothly. Everyone is dressed and ready, and then BOOM! Out of nowhere, your little one storms into a temper tantrum. Tears, screaming, headbutting–the works! It’s impossible to calm your little one down.

Or is it?

There are several reasons that young children throw tantrums. First, it could be physiological, like hunger or exhaustion. Typically, though, it’s because they want something or feel something and lack the vocabulary to express it. Sometimes it’s not immediately about the behavior itself, but about the emotions inside.

Temper Tantrums often signal a need for connection.

Many parents opt for a time out when children meltdown, but they are frustrated to find that it doesn’t work. Let’s break this down a bit. First of all, temper tantrums often signal that a child needs connection. They want to feel understood, and they want to be soothed. Soothing their feelings helps them to calm down and regulate (since they typically aren’t developed enough to regulate themselves). And after you’ve soothed the feelings, you’re able to move forward in a calm, teaching role.

Curious what coaching can do for you?

Schedule your free 30 minute discovery session to find out if coaching is right for you. 

Instead of Time Out, try the Time In to calm Temper Tantrums

With the Time In, you still direct your child to a quiet place, but you help guide him or her through the process. Leaving your child alone on a step or chair can be confusing to a child and can even increase feelings of distress. In contrast, you can use this time to help your child calm down, figure out the emotions they’re having, and then they’ll be in a place where they can listen to you. Plus, this type of connection helps to build a child’s brain and makes your relationship stronger.

You also model a calm presence for your child during a Time In

After your child has calmed down, ask yourself a few questions: First, why is my child having a tantrum? Second, what do I want to teach my child right now? Third, how can I help my child identify their emotions (Hint: a feelings chart works well for this. Email me, if you need suggestions for one).

Finally, remember that Time Ins also work for you. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with parenting, or if all the demands of work and home life have you a little dizzy, take a few moments to sit in a quiet place and reflect on your own emotions. Soothe yourself with self-compassion, and take a few deep breaths. You’ll parent better for it.

Coaching packages big and small

If you’re ready to change how you manage change, we can work together to develop the plan and package that’s right for you.

What kind of high-achiever are you? Take the quiz to find out!

High Achievers can be broken down into different archetypes, each with their own strengths and vulnerabilities. Find out your High Achiever archetype and which coaching program might be the most beneficial for you!

Recent Posts

The Ventral Vagal System

The Ventral Vagal System

The ventral vagus helps us to feel connected, safe, and able to access our prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that can think clearly and make decisions)

The Dorsal Vagal System

The Dorsal Vagal System

The dorsal vagus is a nerve that is common in all mammals. Normally, it's helpful in regulating between your arousal and relaxation. When stress is unrelenting, however, the dorsal vagus kicks ...

The Sympathetic System

The Sympathetic System

The sympathetic nervous system has a bad rep, but we really do need it. Think of it as the system that helps move you to action.

The Vagus Nerve and Stress

The Vagus Nerve and Stress

It's a fallacy to think we can stay in regulation all the time. Life is a series of ups and downs. Normalcy is moving between all of these states and the first step is knowing how our vagus ...

The Power of Small Things

The Power of Small Things

It can be easy to feel like we aren't being productive or successful, but it's important to take stock of the small wins in our lives.

Dr. Kimcast Episode: Holiday Help for Highly Sensitive People with Dr. Desiree Howell

Dr. Kimcast Episode: Holiday Help for Highly Sensitive People with Dr. Desiree Howell

It's the hubbub of the holidays, and for some highly sensitive people, it can lead to burnout. In this episode, we chat with Dr. Desiree Howell about how to navigate the holidays as a Highly ...

Dr. Kimcast Episode: Caring for Caregivers with Dr. Beverly Zavaleta

Dr. Kimcast Episode: Caring for Caregivers with Dr. Beverly Zavaleta

In this episode, we chat with Beverly A. Zavaleta, MD, a board-certified family physician, cancer survivor and long-time advocate of patient education. She's also the author of the best-selling ...

Dr. Kimcast Episode 25: Paranerds–A Conversation with Big Seance’s Patrick Keller

Dr. Kimcast Episode 25: Paranerds–A Conversation with Big Seance’s Patrick Keller

Patrick Keller is an educator, speaker, and the host of the Big Séance Podcast, which is a forum for “paranerds” to have an open dialogue about all things paranormal. In this episode, we chat ...